Five Must-Know Phrases For Your Next Women’s Conference

Attending a women’s conference can be intimidating.  What to wear, who to invite, how much food from that bougie catering service you can consume without condemnation.  Those variables may be difficult to control, but the one thing you can control is your tongue.  Consider implementing the phrases below to ensure you are accepted as a strong Christian woman who is in the know.
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1. “All the things.”
   1. Duration: 2 seconds (max)
   2. Frequency: Once per conversation.
   3. Details: Use this phrase as a permanent replacement for “and so on”, and “et cetera”.
2. “Yep”.  
   1. Duration: ½ syllable.
   2. Frequency: Depends on (a) interest level of speaker (b) level of understanding of listener. 
   3. Details: To be said emphatically when the person speaking still has four words left in their sentence.  Informs the speaker you understand the point being made and are ready to move on.
3. “But God.”
   1. Duration: One sentence.
   2. Frequency: Once during a speaking engagement, unless the audience responds well to the first attempt, in which case it should be said later in the talk, but at a higher volume than the first occurrence.
   3. Details: Uttered immediately after an insurmountable problem is presented to a captive audience, usually followed by a long pause.  Accompanied by a raised hand that transitions into a closed fist.
4. “Noooooooo” (Pronounced “Neaux”)
   1. Duration: 4.5 seconds
   2. Frequency: Every time you talk with someone with whom you have conversed more than twice.  Not to be tried on a new friend.
   3. Details: Expresses faux displeasure to move along a conversation.  Spoken one octave lower than normal speaking voice.  Casual conversation.  Lean back slightly while saying this phrase.
5. “You do you.” 
   1. Duration: However long you can maintain eye contact without blinking.
   2. Frequency: Every chance you get.
   3. Details: Replaces “You go girl”.  Don’t worry about the theological implications.  It’s a women’s conference after all!

​Alright, ladies.  You are now ready to step out in faith and walk in the blessings that are waiting for you.  Can we just take a moment and reflect on how great your life will be with these words at your disposal?  Work these phrases into your conference conversations and you will have plenty of reasons to live, to laugh, & to love.  Full stop.

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