 Chicago, IL - Little TULIPS Childcare, LLC, dealt with an unexpected controversy on Thursday when it was discovered they have been offering preschoolers 25 minutes of free time on a daily basis.
Mark Sandoval, 5-point Calvinist and father of 2, remarked, “Children should not be allowed to choose how they spend their time. As their loving father I have to make sure they do not deviate from the plans I have for them.” “I’ll be honest, I am having a tough time knowing how to handle discipline after the complaints,” stated Deborah Stills, childcare instructor (PK-Group A). “Tommy Sandoval bludgeoned Avery with the tweezers from Operation last Tuesday, but his dad assured me that he was just doing what he had been raised to do. So, no blame to be had, I guess. His other child, Claire, is an angel. He said he raised her to show kindness to others, but Tommy was raised to beat them to death.” On a related note, teachers will no longer be sending home progress reports since there is no progress to be made.
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 Birmingham, AL - Gary Simmons quickly had a table to himself after inquiring about Impossible Sausage alternatives to go with his soy latte.
“I hate to be difficult, but I try to be conscientious about everything I eat,” stated Simmons. “What kind of person would I be if I just ate the food without knowing where it originated? Also, I can’t seem to find a recycling bin for my plate.” Scooter Daniels, grill master, was in no mood to entertain such notions. “These get-togethers are time for us to act like men. Period. This is our chance to discuss mowing stripes, fishing techniques, and the next golf scramble. Oh, and listen intently to a 7-minute devotion from The Sportsman’s Bible. Not to mention consume inordinate amounts of pork. No one has the right to take this away from us, especially not a new person." At publishing time, the deacons were scrambling to find a welcome basket that did not include a leather bound Bible. |
