Newcomer Shunned After Requesting Plant-Based Entree At Men’s Breakfast

Birmingham, AL - Gary Simmons quickly had a table to himself after inquiring about Impossible Sausage alternatives to go with his soy latte.

“I hate to be difficult, but I try to be conscientious about everything I eat,” stated Simmons.  “What kind of person would I be if I just ate the food without knowing where it originated?  Also, I can’t seem to find a recycling bin for my plate.”

Scooter Daniels, grill master, was in no mood to entertain such notions.  “These get-togethers are time for us to act like men. Period.  This is our chance to discuss mowing stripes, fishing techniques, and the next golf scramble.  Oh, and listen intently to a 7-minute devotion from The Sportsman’s Bible.  Not to mention consume inordinate amounts of pork.  No one has the right to take this away from us, especially not a new person."

​At publishing time, the deacons were scrambling to find a welcome basket that did not include a leather bound Bible.