Church Commended For Inclusion Amidst Modesty Cloth Shortage

Mobile, AL - Bread of Life Holiness Church had a difficult few days last week thanks to content posted on social media.  Images emerged of Jackie Wills, 45, lying prone at the altar draped with a men’s oversized knit bomber jacket. Not one inch of her ankle-length skirt was visible in the scandalous posts. 

Ricky Hedges, first-year altar attendant, had quickly tossed his coat in her direction when he looked down and noticed BTC skin.  *BTC is the acronym Bread of Life uses to refer to any skin located below the clavicle.

One local civil liberties organization - LGBTQ+[% For The Nations - conducted a press conference to applaud the church after the image went viral. Press Secretary Ruby, her/them, stated in a deep voice, “What a wonderful day when houses of worship allow congregants to wear clothing that reflects who they are on the inside.  Maybe this will finally be a bridge to - ah, wait - gotta run.  I was due at the library 10 minutes ago.  We can talk more  about this later!  Now, where did I put my boa?”

Apostle Willard, lead minister at Bread of Life, spent the better part of Monday trying to explain the situation to angry church elders, but to no avail. “The elders think I have gone woke, but they don’t understand that modesty cloths have been backordered for months.  This is almost as frustrating as the time I suggested makeup for the worship team might do wonders for the livestream.  The elders almost ran me out of town for that one.”

In a procedural update, altar attendants at Bread of Life have now been instructed to cover any exposed skin with gender-neutral prayer shawls until the modesty cloths arrive. 

***At publishing time, photos had surfaced of Bertha Jennings out cold in the front row, but it could not be determined if the clothing she was wearing differed from her usual Sunday attire.***
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