1. There is only one flavor of coffee.
- "If there was ever a time to not be mission-minded..." 2. Tissues in the sanctuary contain lotion. - "Nothing like greasing my palms before a handshake." 3. There were three seconds of dead air between the third song and the greet your neighbor portion of service. - "So unprepared." 4. Your church has a greet your neighbor portion of service. - "Scheduled spontaneity." 5. Someone sat in your seat. - "Know your place, newbies." 6. The pastor has not personally invited you to dinner. - "Jerk." 7. You have not been asked to lead a ministry. - "No one appreciates my calling." 8. The sound guy does not graciously accept the insights you provide. - "This doesn't sound as good as the time I saw Kenny Chesney at Neyland Stadium." 9. The preacher tells you how to act outside the walls of the church. - "I should leave encouraged, not convicted." 1o. Kids are expected to receive the majority of Biblical instruction from you, their parent. - "I'm too busy." ***If you have experienced any of these offenses it is past time for you to switch churches. If they don't get you - they don't get you!
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